I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is NOT a Christmas Carol

Updated below at 3:04pm

*This entire post was done with absolutely NO research. That’ll be impressive once you’re finished*

Are you tired of the Christmas music on the radio? Normally I’m not. I love Christmas music.

But I should clarify…

I love Christmas CAROLS. In fact, I can name most of them right off the top of my head with no help from Google.

singing-christmas-carols

These people look like they are in pain.

Away in a Manger, Silent Night, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, While By the Sheep, The First Noel, O Come All Ye Faithful, Angels we Have Heard on High, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, We Three Kings, It Came Upon a Midnight Clear, O Little Town of Bethlehem, Joy to the World, Oh Holy Night, Emmanuel.

In fact, I dare you to recite all FOUR verses of Joy to the World. If you do it in the comments WITHOUT using Google or an app or a hymnal, I’ll give you $2.00.

Then there are the intermediate carol-like songs. Carol of the Bells, Ding Dong Merrily on High, Deck the Halls, Jingle Bells, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, etc. Those I can handle as well.

After that category, we have the “cheesy non-carol but everybody knows them” songs. White Christmas, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, Winter Wonderland, It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Silver Bells, etc.

These are borderline obnoxious. After one or two rounds I’m done.

Next up- the holiday music that goes along with famous Christmas movies. I’m not fond of them, but when in the right mood, I can belt out a “You’re a mean one Mr. Grinch!” or handle Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas rendition. Usually alcohol is necessary though.

THE PEANUTS GANG REJOICES IN THE TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS

Though Charlie Brown was never in our Christmas collection of movies, it still makes me a little nostalgic.

Finally we have the Justin Bieber holiday special songs that cause an automatic gag reflex when I hear them. Sappy, soapy, sudzy, cheesy, melo-dramatic, fake, let’s cry just for the hell of it songs. Christmas Shoes, Grown up Christmas List, The Gift, etc. I’m not a scrooge but I cannot handle this music. Someone ban it from the radio please.

I envision these people when I hear those songs so I don't succomb to the sappy teary eyed blubbering.

I envision these people when I hear those songs so I don’t succumb to the sappy teary eyed blubbering.

Oh wait…there is one last category. I call this the weird perverted bird obsession category.Β This last mention has only one song. Let’s just say this: If you heard carolers outside your door getting ready to sing and they began with this song, you’d throw gingerbread cookies and eggnog out the window and run for cover.

It is this song that Eliana (my wonderful middle child) has decided she must memorize. She picked up a book from the library yesterday, which had all the words listed in the back. She’s been singing it non-stop. She has it nailed…and I’m about ready to stick wrapping paper in my ears.

Can you guess what song it is?

12 days of christmas

I wish I could interview the dude who wrote this.

The premise of the song is ridiculous. It’s about a lover giving his partner Christmas presents.

12 Drummers Drumming– Is this the same as giving your kid a drum set for Christmas? That’s a form of torture in most countries.

11 Pipers Piping– So in addition to the racketing drums, we have the squeaky squealy bagpipes, complete with tights and skirts on the men.

10 Lords a Leaping– All I can picture are the male ballerinas with their junk advertised in their skinnies. No thank you.

9 Ladies Dancing– Not too bad, though I’m not sure you could hear or see them after all the mess above.

8 Maids a Milking– Are these wet nurses? Or are we talking servants with cows? I’m not sure what’s worse.

7 Swans a Swimmin– Those beasts are nasty! I’ve tried to get close to one and almost got my hand bitten off. If you didn’t have a pond, you’d have to put the suckers in your bathtub.

6 Geese a Layin– So we’ve got geese in heat. Wonder how they’ll mesh with the swans.

5 Golden Rings– Now we’re talking.

4 Calling Birds– Cause the house isn’t noisy enough yet.

3 French hens– I wonder if they taste like cheese and chocolate when you cook them.

2 Turtledoves– The composer of this song has a bird fetish…I just know it.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree. Yeah. I’ve never asked for a tree with a bird in it. Not sure how those logistics work, but whatever. By the time you get to this gift, you are traumatized by the 11 others.

Ellie sings this song multiple times a day. I’ve clocked it. That damn melody takes nearly 10 minutes to get through, and that’s if you sing it in double time!

Help.

UPDATED 3:04pm

Well now I’ve had quite the comments today. First of all, congratulations to Juliana McLachlan who won $2.00 for getting ALL FOUR verses of Joy to the World.

Sandy, you get nothing…especially because you didn’t even know there was a fourth verse. And you call yourself a musician?

And according to my know-it-all aunt, who actually does know a lot, the 12 Days of Christmas was some secret code song for persecuted Christians. Thank goodness I put the disclaimer at the top about my lack of research. I have an excuse for why I just poked fun at something you shouldn’t poke fun at.

It’s still a terrible song to listen to more than once. Just sayin’

Comments

  1. Julie, you made me laugh on this one, because my kids have been watching the same Mickey’s Christmas special for days now. Even though it keeps them quiet, I am so done with it and know it by heart more than I ever should know. It just ended and what is Lily screaming for more, “Mickey’s Christmas”. Seriously, I feel your pain!!

  2. Oh my… Many of these tunes make me nuts and wish Christmas was over. Christmas is good, some music not good! Ahh the old Charlie Brown and his old shows. Now those are still fun to watch. Blockhead!

  3. SUPER cheesy rendition, but we sang this in Choir with the infamous Mr. Lampe. It’s called the 12 Days AFTER Christmas. You just might like it better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=si-lRKTauow

    Also, I’ve been listening to the LYRICS to some of the songs out there this year and they’ve managed to piss me off so bad that I just stopped listening to all of them haha

  4. Haha, giggling! I only like *some* Christmas carols, hehe. Right now I have “Baby it’s cold outside” stuck in my head because I watched Steven Colbert sing it with some beautiful woman and I can’t remember her name…but get this: I woke up this morning trying to see if I still remembered the words to Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Turns out I do – mostly, but WHY I woke up thinking about THAT, I will NEVER know. HAHA.

  5. LOL! Funny! The Lords a Leaping cracked me up because that’s exactly what I picture. No thanks. I wrote about how my favorite Xmas song is I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause today. LOL!

  6. Julie!!! You must research the origin of 12 days of Christmas. It was written when Christians were being persecuted for their faith and it was a secret code. I have to refresh
    My memory too.

  7. I agree with Eileen–the 12 days was written at a time of persecution–but that being said, I must say that so many of the holiday songs we hear are pretty cheesy, but fun!

  8. Juliana MacLachlan says:

    joy to the world, the lord has come,
    let earth receive her king,
    let every heart, prepare him room,
    and heaven and nature sing and heaven and nature sing, and heaven, heaven and nature sing,
    Joy to the world the savior reigns,
    let men their songs employ,
    while fields and floods, rocks hill and plains
    repeat the sounding joy repeat the sounding joy repeat, repeat the sounding joy
    He rules the world with truth and grace, and makes the nations prove
    the glory of his righteousness
    and wonders of his love and wonders of his love and wonders, wonders of his love
    No more let sins and sorrows grow,
    nor thorns infest the ground
    he comes to make his blessings flow
    far as the curse is found,far as the curse is found, far as, far as, the curse is found.

    i dont need 2 dollars, but that was pretty fun:) It’s also my favorite!

  9. Can I have a dollar for three verse? I only ever knew of three.

  10. Oh, that was so funny! I’ve never like that song…I hope she gives up on it soon and gives you a break!:)

  11. Lol… it is funny that you mentioned that. I didn’t realize that it was something to do with some really bad incident until just recently. Ironically I learned this after watching the 12 Disasters of Christmas. Not the best movie.. but hey – it combines my two favorite types of movies – end of world and Christmas.

  12. Ha – thanks for the laugh today – I needed it!

  13. This was great! Let’s not forget “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” which my then 10-yr-old son spontaneously performed at the church Christmas pageant one year. I had to change faiths… :)

  14. the 12 days of Christmas start on Christmas day, the 8th day commemorates when Jesus was circumsized sp? and ends on ‘Little christmas’ Jan 5/6 (-the Epiphany or 3 Kings day). In an agricultural society people didn’t do much during that time (or so I understand)
    It doesn’t start on Dec 12th as the manipulating mass media would have us think. I actually like the song

    • Well I did know that the 12 days of Christmas start on Christmas Day so the media didn’t fool meπŸ˜› As always, just being a snarky brat with my postings. Hope I didn’t offend you!

  15. One Funny Motha says:

    I like all the songs you hate.

  16. Okay, I’m late (at least I’m trying to catch up) to the song festival here. Four verses? You mean, there’s more than just Hoyt Axton’s song with Three Dog Night singing, “Jeremiah was a bullfrog, he was a good friend of mine, I never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine (and he always had some mighty fine wine) Joy to the World, all the boys and girls, Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, Joy to you and Me? Oops, wrong “Joy to the World” I guess! I am ashamed of you, Julie. In all the songs you mentioned, you failed to mention one of the most popular of all time, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer!” I hope Santa forgives you for that one! Merry Christmas!

  17. That song brings back memories!! My parents bought my brother and I tapes (yes…tapes, no CDs in those days..) and matching story books to keep us busy on the annual 12 – 15 hour drive to our grandparents. One year I got a Disney Christmas tape and that was one of the songs. Loved it! Maybe Eliana should play this song on a keyboard or drums or something…maybe then you’ll get excited about it? HeheheheπŸ˜‰

  18. Outstanding post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Bless you!

Trackbacks

  1. […] I have so many movies I love. I love the classic Disney cartoon with Chip and Dale. I love It’s a Wonderful Life. I love the Night They Saved Christmas (which is horribly corny). As for Christmas songs, well I just wrote at length about my relationship with Christmas music. […]

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